Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Remember thyself

Date Line May 8, 2007

Who reads these damned things?

Friends? Family? Both, or neither. Sigh ...

I wonder and wander through thoughts. We could say: dreams. Dreams of kids who gave a damned. Dreams of discovery, or importance, of significance of consequence, dreams of remembrance.
There are things that move through the heart, through the mind. They are very hard to suppress, and it to pass that they surface. Often this is when one drinks – drink opens the door, unlocks the spring, and lets the feelings gush forth.

It is better to allow the feelings their escape than to suppress them. It is better to allow the dreams their freedom, than to yield their force to the ignorance of others.

It is better.

Thoughts and dreams. I dream of knowing my {genetic}past. But also dream of knowing the past of my family.

An interesting paradox.

We all seek to know who we are. We seek to have a life – as if living was not enough of a life. We seek to define ourselves; and we do so against the image we carry of our parents.

Shall we be like them? Shall we surpass them? Shall we do anything we can to avoid being connected to them?

How do we define our self? The self we must live with – what is it?

How do I honor my father? How do I honor my mother?

I am connected to the scriptures; and to the commandments. Yet I reject many aspects; and yet I find that the principles are based on their rejection. And I am forced to laugh at the trap that has been set for me, and into which I so willingly have walked.

Why do I believe? BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND MY OWN SELF WORTH! End of story. I, me, the one and only, am the one and only.

Which, of course, makes me totally insane – or the only sane person.

I love the all or none logic of life.

I can understand Voltaire. I can understand the character who declares that this is the best of all possible worlds – because it obviously, logically rationally, is the best of all possible worlds.

It is the world created in the divine mind. It must be perfect, it must be the best that is possible – if only because it is the best possible. It is the product of circular logic which is rejected by all who seek to escape the realm of logic.

When I was younger. In the days before today. I had a vision which has never departed. Beginning, end, now, never. We are. I am. You are. And you want me to be, so I am. Or is it that I want you to be so you are?

Mind boggling. Humorous. What is the term? Sacrilegious? Or is it the ultimate in cosmic understanding, the point of enlightenment, the Buddha beyond the realm and understanding of a Buddha – because Buddha must be trapped in this world.

Can you follow? Must I lead? Go! Step ahead of me. Please, step ahead and lead. I am tired of leading. I am tired of seeing. I am tired.

I was here at the beginning. Like it or not, I will be here at the end. I am who I am. Can you deal with that?

Of course. Of course. Of course. You are who you are. You either understand that, or not. If not. My tears are shed for you. If so, you are my beloved child. You are the blessed among humanity. You are the one whose dreams are their own.

You are. My beloved. You are me.

And you shall step forth, achieving that which you are comfortable to achieve. Your life is the tale you tell to yourself. It is the life you leave behind. It is the story of the future.

Please. Remember it, and me, when you are there. Remember thyself

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