Mellow ... listening to ECHOES on NPR ...
Kids ... yep you ... passing through and wondering why ...
A curious day ... three hours putting SP2 on the computer ... two more machines to go ... while it churned away, added more stones and mortar to the garden wall ... this years project, to build the wall. At first only ten to fifteen feet, now an additional ten. It’s growing.
On the eighth, or maybe tenth, draft of a letter to my two oldest kids ... I’m on the shit list of one, and the other has gone even further away. The delights of being a dad. Both are grown. Both on their own. Both doing better than average, but nowhere near what their educations dictate.
Being a child of the 60's – or maybe the 50's – when did the baby boom really start? Guess I’m pre-baby boom because I was conceived pre-invasion of Europe and born post all the battles that anyone recalls. My oldest is end of baby-boom ... quasi-post-baby-boom ... a child of the late 60's ... LOL ... this is strange ... this writing into cyberspace. There is something ... something ... sigh ... meditative about it.
It’s funny in a way. I look at the pages of some who have passed through here and see young, and tense urgency or life, and mundane continuation.
They contemplate life, school, maybe as far as the weekend or yesterday’s date that might be tomorrow’s romance. I contemplate the loss of a wife, the death of parents and parents-in-law, maybe my own death and rebirth. Cosmic continuity and earthly stupidity.
Rambling on .... no real direction ... and yet in a straight line from my beginning ... an unswerving path ... very strange ... very-very-strange.
Have you ever felt love?
Having felt it ... have you ever been in love?
Yes, there is a difference ...
Having been “in love” ... have you ever really felt love, grasped it with heart and soul, made it an integral part of your being to the point where there is no place where you stop and it starts?
If so ... I think you are among the rare ... the lucky ones ... those who truly have found their other half ... for me, I’m still looking. I keep myself open to it ...
Been close ... been comfortable ... been happy ... never ceased to love those I have loved ... but never quite seem to have reached that ultimate ... the oneness ... the thing of myth, legend and fantasy ...
I’m feeling mellow ... sigh ... very mellow and at peace ... even though my arms feel empty ...
:-) yea-a-a :-) happy thoughts that escape words and simply are ...
Peace and love ... may you find what you seek ... and not seek that which you cannot find ... enjoy
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